The halls are decked and so is every other room in our little house on our little street. Lights, lights and more lights seems to be the theme and thankfully our neighbors are just as on board as I am about making our little houses shine bright for all to see.
And yet…I want more.
That seems to be the common thread. More. Lockdown #2 has begun and this one seems more harsh and more limiting than the last one in March. Schools remain open which secures me a job (for the moment) but all other things aren’t…I can count on one hand how many restaurants we’ve dined (outdoors only) at, how many small summer garden suppers with people in our ‘bubble’ we’ve had and how long it’s been since I’ve stepped foot inside a church. NINE MONTHS, in case you were wondering about the church one…and for me that’s been the hardest. While I watch online, it’s the people I miss. The singing with others. The praying with others. The communing with others.
I want more. I suppose we all do.
But yet, there has been so much light. My family is not in a risk group and so the fear of covid is not the same as if we were. We’re still cautious but not panicky about running to the market in search of toilet paper. Home has always been my happy place and these last nine months have just affirmed that. Cooking for others…well, I still believe meals are sacred and so the planning and preparing and then sitting at the table to eat together as a family has been a priority. That guy that I like so much continues to work and bring light to others. Our oldest went back to China during the one hot minute that the borders opened, but what a joy it was to have had him home for the bulk of this. Our middle boy is states away but we’ve managed a few visits – safely, and again we are not an at risk family so we were able to make that happen. And the youngest is graduating college in less than two weeks. All that work and he’ll pose in his cap and gown in our family room for a picture and that’s about it. We want more, but that’s not happening right now.
I am trying to just sit and embrace what is. To enjoy the lights both inside and outside. To allow myself to miss the parties and concerts but to not wish away this season for another that has already happened – or will happen again in the future. To eat the cookies and watch all the movies and wrap the presents and not rush through the last few weeks of this year. To take the time to plop myself in the cold sand with a bible and some poetry and read, out loud to nobody but the waves, words that bring me peace and comfort and joy.
But yet, I want more. I want to see peoples smiles when I pass them in the market. I want to hug people, invite friends for dinner, wake up to a disheleved garden from the previous nights party. I want music…live music in grand concert halls. I want to get on an airplane anytime I’d like. I want to eat out – or rather, inside our favorite restaurants. I want to sit in church and close my eyes and feel God’s presence. Yes, I know He isn’t confined to those walls but I so look forward to that reset every week and miss it so much.
I know I’m not the only one who wants more…how about you?