I have been holding on and holding on to so many things…things that I know I should be letting go of. Mainly my boys. Mainly because I love being a mama and it’s what I most identify myself with.
But lately? Lately our house has been full and I’m feeling the need (urge?) to push the big bowling ball out and deliver this kiddo into the world. He’s a man now, has lived on his own, came home again with dirty work boots and piles of work clothes and tools everywhere…and is probably the most like me of all of mine. That bugs him…and bugs me too.
It’s time. It really is. And in seven short (though not if you are laboring and trying to push the baby out) days, he is heading out to a new job, in a new state. I’m looking forward to what our relationship will become and I know he is too.
I’ve been protecting my heart on the work front as well. Empowering some, keeping silent with others, listening lots, talking very little and trying to lay low. It’s a very strange place for me to be…until today. Today I rallied my team for the coming year and was reminded of how much I like what I do.
I’m also setting boundaries…healthy boundaries. Days begin, breaks happen, days end. No more responding after hours and working late into the night.
And then there has been this. A new bible study with friends. We’re doing 100 Days to Brave alongside the book of Esther and I’ve been sitting in the garden at lunch time and journaling my heart away.
It feels…right. And good.
We are soon to settle into a new family normal here. Boy #1 is arriving from China next Tuesday for a three week visit. Part of that will be moving Boy #2’s car and work things to another state. Boy #3…the baby, is about to start his senior year of college.
And this guy? Sabbatical for the next semester. Lots of reading and learning are in store for him, as well as serving in a church. But lots and lots of time home too…which means I have a super sweet dinner date most evenings.
I like him, so it’s all good.
The boys all request their favorite meals when home…or when about to leave. One of them is fried pork chops – buy the super thin boneless ones, bread and fry in olive oil with lots of kosher salt and pepper. Super healthy…haha. But they eat them right out of the pan and the only thing I serve them with now is a big green salad. In the old days I would make homemade mac n cheese and roasted green beans, but they’re maturing…and my grown up kids are HUGE veggie eaters.
This meal reminds me of being a little kid again…and I think my boys feel that way too. And so, a few times of year, it’s what I’ll make to keep them coming home to mama.